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Notes from a flat countyWhat would Bill say about his adopted home?By Lindsay ClaytonWhile doing some research on the internet, using that great skill I learnt at university - procrastination – I discovered that Bill Bryson had recently moved to my adopted home county of Norfolk. Needless to say I was delighted. This was the man who had introduced me to the delights of travel in small town America when I was a mere thirteen years old. After reading The Lost Continent I persuaded my parents to take me to Gatlinburg, Tennessee as a stop on our own travels around America on his recommendation. I quote: ‘…a community that had evidently dedicated itself to the endless quest of trying to redefine the lower limits of bad taste. It is the world capital of tat.’ How could I resist? It was wonderful by the way. After I had gotten over the initial excitement (remember I live in Norfolk, swimming with celebrities it is not), I pondered what it was that made Bill stay here. My initial thought was that maybe, due to our lack of motorways, he simply couldn’t find his way out. Indeed when you do find the one road out, the A11, its normally jammed anyway, so maybe he just could not be bothered. But this theory simply does not reflect on the man who seems to find such delight and humour in what seems like the strangest things. Even when discussing something that may, in another author’s words, seem disdainful, he says it with such affection that most of the sting is removed. Fore example I can find it hard to imagine another writer who could fill an entire article discussing how Americans have developed a system of advertising memorable telephone numbers (by substituting letters, eg 244-GET-PIZZA) or filling another article discussing how, every year, more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses or pillows. An amazing statistic, I agree, but still, an entire article? I’m not sure I could manage to find that many words to discuss the matter. ‘Fools!’, I think would be about it. So in honour of the man whose outlook is directly opposed to the modern trend for denigration (In response to the book Is It Just Me Or is Everything Shit, the retort is ‘Or is it just this book?’) I take a look at the things that make Norfolk the unique place that it is, the things that delight me as a guest and the things that make me proud that I now live here. Of course, there are also the things that make me cringe. A recent trip to the Las Vegas of the east coast, Great Yarmouth, I was slightly appalled to see a shop called ‘Bling it On’. Sadly, I declined their offer of a diamante studded belt with my name on it, and decided to patronise the fish stall that was, according to its sign ‘Shrimply the Best’. Puns at their finest. Interestingly enough, Yarmouth is famous for being the only west facing coastal resort on the East Coast of England. A fact that sounds rather impressive until you actually think about it. In my job, I work with the public, and as horrible as that can be, I do delight in hearing people speak Broad Norfolk, or the slightly higher, thinner tone of the Norwich accent. One of our famous sons, Bernard Matthews, made the accent famous with his exclamation of ‘Bootiful!’, and this yod dropping, as it’s called, is a common feature. So people with often join a coo, large things would be hooge, and songs on the radio would be toons. Norfolkians also would go to the pub for a pint of bear, sometime for the whoole afternoon. Some more of my favourite phrases that I have been learning are: On the huh (wonky, not level); bishy barnabee (a ladybird); tha’s a lotta ol squit (that’s a lot of nonsense); best part of sum tyme (taking a fair while); thaass zackley ryte! (that’s exactly right). I also enjoy hearing people forget to use their plurals. For example, one would say that their son was 12 year old, or that they had come ten mile to see their granny. Something that I have found myself doing more often is restructuring my sentences to say I’m now going, rather than saying I’m going, now. In Notes From a Big Country, Bill makes no attempt to hide his disdain at the lack of walking that American’s seem to do these days. One of my favourite incidences is the one involving a man who wishes to pop into several shops on the same street. He began by driving to one, leaving the engine running while he goes in, going back to the car and driving a few feet down the road to the next store where he begins the whole process again. So I have absolutely no doubt that Bill would be delighted he now lives near Norwich, which I am proud to say has the highest percentage of people who walk to work than any other UK city. I myself am lucky enough to get to walk through the Cathedral grounds on my way, and I must say its puts me in a great frame of mind. Before I realise I have to deal with the public all day, of course. Some other interesting random facts about Norwich are that it has 15,000 historic buildings within its walled centre; more medieval churches than any other city North of the Alps; the most complete medieval street pattern in England; two cathedrals and a castle. That’s a lot to fit in a city so small, but it does it with aplomb. He may also be interested to know that the world gets its information about the annual global temperature and other climate data from the University of East Anglia’s Climatic Research Unit. Not bad for a county stuck out on a little hump on the side of the country. So now the great travel writer has decided to settle in the county
that gave inspiration to the phrase ‘Normal for Norfolk’
(a slang term for something peculiar or odd), I’m sure he will
see beyond the Alan Partridge stereotypes, and the fact that Norwich
MP, Ian Gibson recently announced that a cluster of child diabetes
in the area was due to inbreeding. Hopefully he will take the chance
to learn our heritage, explore our many historical buildings, take
a boat on the broads, and discover the unusual kindness of the Norfolk
people, even if he can’t quite understand what they are saying
sometimes. Have your say
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